As many of you know, I have dysautonomia which first manifested as cardiomyopathy. I take miraculous medicine, but part of my wellness is walking. If I don’t walk, I don’t feel well. I will end up more bedridden and more fatigued if I don’t push myself. This isn’t for everyone, there’s no judgment here, it is simply what works best for this body I’ve been given.
When I walk, I get lost in my own thoughts. My balance isn’t good, so I must stop if I want to look around. Otherwise, I have to focus my eyes on my feet and where I will put my next step. If I don’t do this, I fall off the path. This can be bad in spots where the path is hard to see.
We’re all carrying burdens from our past or our present, and sometimes even our future. The worry can be heavy and sometimes we’ve been carrying it so long, we don’t even see it. This can make growing take longer. It can make us seem off-putting to strangers. It can make us feel as if we’ll never achieve that moment of relief when everything is finally just like we want it.
Is that even a real thing? I read this week somewhere that astonishment, after all, only lasts a moment. I think satisfaction can be very similar. It’s slippery and elusive, and while most of us experience it, it is short-lived. When I reach the pinnacle of this trail, I enjoy it for a moment, but then I have to turn around and go back.
So many of us spend our time twisting and turning to seek that elusive bit of light. Our lives are rarely simple or straight-forward. Sometimes, taking what feels like a wrong turn can actually bring us closer to our goal.
I guess my point of this post is to remind you. You, reading right now, you are beautiful because of your journey and how you weather it. You do you, and remember that you are worth every step.